Sunday Essays #2: You're probably too Brainrotted to even read this
books, bikes, British slang, and brainrot.
Today we’re going to take a nice little deep dive into brainrot.
You’ve got it, I’ve got it, we’ve all got it.
But where is this short form, attention span-nuking trend leading us, and what can we do about it?
I’m not so sure I have the exact answer…but it’s certainly an entertaining topic to look into.
When I first started creating TikToks I wanted to become better at it.
I was initially shocked to discover that the bulk of this “how-to” content emphasized that the first second (called the hook) is far and away the most important part of short form content.
Like, make or break important.
All you really have is that glorious first fleeting second to grab the viewer.
That is how short the average attention span in this world is right now.
If you’re anything like me, you wonder how the hell did we get here?
I mean, less than a second to rope the viewer in…..but taking a step back, it makes sense.
Reels, TikToks, the rise of short-form media, it lends itself to where we are now.
We’re a nation of people that want to scroll and scroll and scroll, and if those first few fractions of a second don’t immediately captivate us, we’re on to the next thing- a cat video, some basketball trick shot (mostly all fake btw) or yes, the 6-7 meme.
I mean, the 6-7 meme…it literally means nothing, but at the same time it says so much.
Its everywhere.
People cheering in In-N-Out restaurants when order 6-7 is called, groups of kids screaming for a foul shot to be hit at college basketball games when the score is at 66.
It’s just crazy, and it’s become an obsession.
There was even a “6-7 Cam” the last time I went to an Islanders game, and the kids couldn’t wait to get on there and do the bobbing hands motion that accompanies it.
Of course, like any other craze, there’s dissidents and dissertations on it as well.
I’ve even seen long-form tweet threads (which now seem like encyclopedias in length compared to where we are in the media consumption culture) that claim that 6-7 is born out of Santeria practices and is actually satanic.
I don’t know. I’m not going to dive into that today.
The fact of the matter is now brainrot is (and has been) so culturally significant that it invades our public spaces, dominates trends, and even invites kooky conspiracy culture into the fray all at once.
It used to be albums and movies that led to such things…most of us are old enough to remember poring over “What Hogwarts House am I in?” Buzzfeed quizzes (Gryffindor/Slytherin hybrid reporting in), now we have “is the innocuous brainrot number trend actually Gematria devil worship” threads on X to contend with.
That’s quite a leap.
You’ve Got It, I’ve Got It, We’ve All Got It
I used to think, especially as a guy that writes long-form media, that I was somehow above being brainrotted.
“Well, I read and I write, so certainly this can’t be me.”
lol.
Then I find myself (not to be crude) standing over the toilet, with one hand handling business and the other hand watching an Alex Hormozi IG Reel.
That’s right… doing something so simple as a quick pit stop in the bathroom, and I can’t help but get yelled at by a man in a tank top and a nose strip telling me to 10x my content output for maximum traction (no knock btw, we love Hormozi over here).
It’s a giant amoeba enveloping all of us, albeit to varying degrees.
Brainrot= $$$
No matter who you are, odds are that your attention span has been fried (or at the very least greatly diminished).
Fried, but also put on a pedestal in this attention economy.
Our eyes and ears are more valuable than ever, all the while less capable than ever in the same moment.
Brands are leaning into brainrot style advertising, as we spoke about over Halloween.
Sports teams have followed suit- just take a look at the Buffalo Bills IG after they win (might have to wait awhile for that these days) and you’ll see absolutely hilarious but also totally bizarre brainrot style postgame edits.
Sharing Reels on Instagram has become both a constant annoyance but also a sort of love language all in the same.
As cumbersome as the “4+ messages” alert is in the inbox, it’s also sort of endearing when your friends see a Reel up your alley and shoot it over to you (in my case this is dashcam recordings, freight train derailments, and of course, planes).
Massive social media platforms know short-form is their ticket, and the brands who pay them into the billions to advertise on there are well aware of this, too.
The importance of this?
Short-form isn’t going anywhere anytime soon…and therefore neither is brainrot and ensuing assault on your attention span.
The Kids Aren’t Alright
There was a brainrot-related horror story making the rounds on X about a month ago, where a poster realized his Gen Alpha cousin would simultaneously play video games and scroll TikTok during the loading screens.
Dopaminergic overload.
Those of us with the luxury of being born before somewhere around the time of Hurricane Katrina at least had an attention span to be nerfed in the first place.
Our next generations won’t have such a luxury.
It’ll be interesting to see how that plays out.
The early indicators don’t seem so pretty.
FYP Linguistics
One of the funniest yet also alarming effects of the brainrot wave is the tidal wave of colloquial phrases that have been borne out of it.
There’s the absurd yet harmless:
6-7, Ohio, “chat”, low-taper fades
The ones with adult undertones (whole ‘nother topic for another day) :
gyatt, glazing, the hawk tuah craze from a couple years ago, etc.
and finally, ones that might have real staying power:
Rizz, sigma, huzz.
It’s an entire spectrum of a language that would’ve read like alien speak just 5 years ago.
(For the record, it’s in my professional opinion that “huzz” and its related amalgamations and portmanteaus are incredible)
Lighthearted and funny as this topic may be, it also shows how pervasive brainrot has become and the deep-rooted affect it has on our youngest generations.
It’s become so strong it’s banned in your average American classroom:
Short-form lingusitics are burnt into the culture, embedded in the brains of our youth in their most formative years.
Man’s on tag at the moment
It’s not just an American thing.
I found a TikTok recently that stuck out to me- it was both hilarious and kinda sad at the same time.
It featured a fifteen (!) year old kid from Manchester who, after presumably spending most of his early development influenced by his fyp and brainrot culture, was speaking like a hardened London roadman and bragging about the fact he was already strapped up with an ankle monitor:
Tiktok failed to load.Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
An extreme outlier? Probably.
Still, it begs the question how many other current or budding “man’s on tag” guys there are out there in the moment.
Choosing obviously questionable lifestyle choices both for the admiration and as a consequence of short-form feed culture.
Books and Bicycles
Alright…so what do we do?
I’d like to think a lot of the advice on this ‘stack is pretty useful (and from speaking with a lot of you, I actually know that for a fact) but we’re gonna eschew the analytical and citeable and go more anecdotal here.
Think less Huberman labs and perhaps Laird Hamilton pontificating in front of a surfboard staked in the sand type vibe.
On Reading a Book
You see a lot about reading on the feeds lately.
Reading has become “female-coded”, and a lot of reading is performative.
The former is definitely true, the latter obviously debatable.
Almost every woman I know IRL, regardless of age, is reading some sort of book at the moment.
Usually pretty substantial stuff, too- educational content, dense non-fiction….it’s a habit to be admired.
(Of course, there’s also the odd book about having sex with a guy that’s half minotaur or something like that, but we’ll “let people enjoy things” and not touch that…but to the guys- you still think you don’t gotta get in the gym?!)
I figured the ladies must be onto something, so I decided to join the ranks of the readers (shoutout my first visit to Huntington’s The Next Chapter, much appreciated as a Book Revue refugee) and picked up a copy of Gregory Zuckerman’s autobiography of the late great Long Island-based hedge fund manager Jim Simons.
Def teetered on a performative pick here (and I got the this f—-n’ guy look from the cashier) but I digress.
What did I notice from diving into my stereotypical bro finance book?
My brainrot eased up quite a bit.
Snapchat blurbs?
They could wait.
Checking the last ‘Tok’s stats?
It became less interesting.
The ever-present calling of the fyp, with its workouts and conspiracy theories and leftover remnants of SEC school Halloween posts (sorry)?
Became less enticing.
Something about pacing yourself to read the written word soothed the urge to hop back on the dopamine treadmill.
I’ve also noticed this with handwriting my shopping lists.
Torn-off pieces of printer paper don’t have notifications.
All of a sudden, your only adversaries of distraction when strolling Whole Foods become nerding out on the supplement aisle and Lululemon Vuori moms, and not the abyss of the fyp.
So go ahead- pick up that physical copy of WWII history or legacy finance or minotaur trysts (if you must) and see if it works for you.
The Bike
Cardio is awesome.
You need it, I need it, the freaks of nature we watch in the Octagon on Saturday nights need it, and everyone in between.
I’m not gonna make this “omg get 10K steps a day and eat protein” regurgitated slop- rather I’m gonna extoll the virtues of my $120 Facebook Marketplace purchase that everyone loves to make fun of.
I had been an adherent to the treadmill to get my LISS/HIIT dose, but even that came with the rotting-adjacent AirPods and YouTube combo.
You don’t have that option on the bike.
Sure, you can plug in a long-form podcast and go.
But you need your eyes on the road and the path ahead to focus on such things as not running into other people and not getting hit by a car and dying.
It takes you off the screen and in touch with your body in a way your favorite fitness influencer’s “stepmill and Netflix” combo never could.
Long live the bike.
Your body (and brain) will thank you.
Lastly..the next person to ask me “aRe yOu GoNnA gEt a bElL foR iT? 🤪” better be able to gain or lose the adequate weight to meet me at 90 kilos.
Leave me alone!
Tiktok failed to load.Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
Signing off
That was a fun topic to dive into.
Maybe these little tips help, maybe they don’t.
I bet they will.
We certainly live in unprecedented times…at least it’s not boring.
Lastly, if you’ve made it this far..your brainrot isn’t nearly as bad as you think.
That’s impressive!
Maybe you’ll impress the opposite sex, the anti-brainrot crowd.
Some Abhuzz.
(I’ll see myself out)
Be well 🫶🏻
-John Abbate
23.11.2025
solid take here. and I’m pro-bike! more of this, please👏🏻
Always excited when you have another post for us