Sunday Essays #19: My Golden Rule in Life

leave 'em better than you found 'em.

America’s 250th, the thrilling success of the World Cup, the long days of midsummer…the excitement is palpable right now.

I figured today is the perfect day for something more uplifting, a macro look at life I wanted to share.

It all started with a question.

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No, I wasn’t on the phone shilling penny stocks to rural Midwesterners.

I’d just completed some pickleball down in FL, and the group I was with walked into a nearby health food store together for smoothies.

(Pickleball is oddly competitive in Florida)

They walked in with their usual decorum and social graces.

Ordered, paid, stepped aside.

Business transaction complete.

I wandered over to the counter.

“What protein do you guys use?”

“What’s actually good here?”

“If you’re making one of these for yourself, which one are you choosing?”

One question became five, and that became a conversation.

Everyone looking on like “what is this guy’s deal?”

(You get used to it)

Anyway.

We started chatting, laughing, talking about weird niche nutrition stuff, things like that.

Next thing you know, I’m behind the counter.

They started showing me their arsenal of ingredients, why one recipe tasted better than another, the fruits, the potions and powders, the things that aren’t quite listed on the menu.

I was having so much fun back there.

Meanwhile, the people I came with were watching this unfold like I’d somehow hacked the source code.

Not Some Charismatic Matrix-Breaking Voodoo

This isn’t some excerpt about wielding charisma or a “how-to” type of social gamification.

Rather, it’s the downstream effect of the approach I’ve tried to take to every interaction for the majority of my adult life:

Leave people better than you found them.

I could’ve written that 7 word sentence and that could’ve been the whole essay.

That’s it.

My M.O., my North Star.

The simple effort of making interacting with others pleasant enough that you’ve uplifted them in some way when you’re done (whether it’s for 10 seconds or 10 hours), they feel better than they did before.

Sure, this is easier on certain subjects than it is on others.

We all want to charm the older rich guy who has the PJ share, or the girl fresh out of Pilates on line for coffee who looks like she should be getting paid to wear that Dark Roast colored Skims set.

That’s easy mode.

It’s how you impact the people that the majority of society glosses over that really shows the effect of this.

The cashiers at the smoothie spot.

The bartender four hours into a hellish NFL Sunday shift.

The valet standing in the August heat.

The elderly woman moving a little slower than everyone else on the bike path.

That kinda odd person visiting your neighbor.

The group sitting a row behind you on a freezing Tuesday night in January when you’ve only mustered 9 SOG midway through the 2nd against Winnipeg.

This is where it really counts.

Summed up in a more literal way?

It’s the intentionality of presence.

You’d be surprised how little this takes.

Phones and screen addiction, social division, declining interpersonal skills…it’s pretty sad how accustomed the average person has grown to being blatantly ignored.

Just look around the next time you’re in public.

Even a simple “I love your outfit” or “how’s the shift going this afternoon my man” will light people up.

You end up discussing everything from niche fashion brands to random sports teams to music to going down rabbit holes you never expected.

Which helps, because-

You never know who knows who (or what).

Obviously the goal of this isn’t to be transactional.

It’s to produce good energy out in the world.

That being said, there are some downstream effects of this that are pretty positive.

You find out where the good spots are when you traveled.

“Say you know XYZ when you go there, they’ll take care of you.”

You get invited to things.

The proliferation of socials means you stay interconnected, and you can use your new connections as you move around.

The world is a smaller place than we realize- odds are you have someone in common with a lot more people than you’d think.

A good reputation is a useful accessory that never goes out of style.

While the benefits of this are great, the true irony is…

You do it for you, not for them.

We all have bad days.

I know I’ve had my share.

There was a viral tweet a month or two ago that read:

“The cure for male depression is literally leaving the house and going somewhere literally every time it hits.”

It couldn’t be more true.

If you’re spiraling, nothing helps more than to hold the door for someone, spark up a random small conversation, give a little (genuine) compliment.

If your internal energy is a bit of a mess, projecting something positive outward can cure a lot of it and does well to bring you back to baseline.

That’s the whole game.

Not becoming the most alpha bro!! in the room.

Not becoming the funny guy or the clout goblin.

Just leaving a trail of interactions where people are glad your paths crossed.

If enough of us did that, I genuinely think the world would feel different.

So that’s my golden rule.

Leave ‘em better than you found ‘em.

It’s simple enough to remember, impossible to perfect, and worth trying every single day.

Plus, when the time comes to chat up the private jet dude or miss “I have 250K on TikTok and nothing to do tonight”, you’ll have loaded up quite a few social reps to meet the moment.

A quick crypto note before we say goodbye

I’ve been back into the Phantom Wallet trenches (as we’ve chatted about before) and I’ve met some cool people through Substack Notes.

If you’re looking to up your crypto game or just educate yourself on the space, I’d like to shout out Mari Savic's crypto Substack 'Mari's Crypto Alpha'.

Mari has been in crypto for over a decade, is a crypto attorney and has raised over $100M across the major L1’s.

That’s quite a track record (and that beats my random meme coin picks), so do check out her content.

I hope everyone had a beautiful July 4th and a wonderful weekend.

Chat soon <3

-John Abbate

7.5.2026