Sunday Essays #13: LinkedIn Lingo is Draining Our Life Force

sanitized language = sanitized spirit

When did everyone start speaking like hostages?

“Just following up here!”

“Let’s get something on the calendar”

“Happy Friday!”

You’ve experienced it.

You know exactly what I’m talking about.

(Maybe you do it, in which case I’d implore you to read this article three times over.)

You’ve seen it in your own life, you’ve seen the PE Guy meme this on TikTok, masterfully so.

I get it, it’s safe.

Speaking LinkedInese makes you feel professional and polished.

It’s a social shield, an unimpeachable veil of feigned nobility.

“Everyone’s gonna take me seriously now!”

In reality, all it’s doing is spiritually neutering you.

LinkedIn Lingo Preludes the Crash

Right around the time of our post-grad era, I noticed this BS started to permeate my friend group, as everyone embarked into the professional world.

“All systems go for Sunday”

“I can make time”

“Should be able to attend, will confirm”

23 year old men speaking like aspirational congressmen.

It’s all so incredibly odd when you take a step back and look at it.

Now, was this ubiquitous?

No.

(I sure as hell wasn’t doing it)

However it was prevalent enough that it became alarming.

What accompanied this new trend?

-Less spontaneity

- “Planning”

-Fast-tracked relationships that felt more practical than passionate

-Far less stories

-Higher bodyfat percentages

-A whole lotta “yeah man…another day” energy

Who wants to live that way?

The second order effects in the romantic world are even worse.

“I got the dreaded HR text”

There’s a trend that’s been going on for sometime where women text men they’re no longer interested in with what’s referred to as “HR texts”.

Here’s some gems from X:

(Credit to the unfairly maligned Murray Hill Guy, who does quite well at aggregating this sort of stuff and starting these hard-to-have conversations on Twitter)

That sounded a little too LinkedIn-esque ^

ANYWAY.

I’ve never gotten an HR text.

I’ve gotten my share of the “who the hell do you think you are” text, though.

Conversations for an entirely different day.

The point is that this blah, modern corpospeak is directly proportional to the death of human life force.

It’s used to signify the end of budding romance.

The death of “do it for the story” energy.

It’s completely emblematic of the increasingly grey world we inhabit.

Real Killers Don’t Speak This Way

The irony of HR talk is that a lot of people (especially men) use it in the most aspirational way possible.

As if dialing your personal communication quality control slider up to 99 will turn you into Bill Ackman.

Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

Back when I was heavy in the NY commercial real estate game, I spent an awful lot of time doing deals with HNWIs, self-made guys, killers of every ilk.

The commonality amongst all of them?

These guys could talk.

They were real.

Irreverent at times?

Absolutely.

Authentic, nonetheless?

Always.

The comedic irony of getting a paragraph full of LinkedIn mumbo jumbo from a junior broker arranging a showing for his customer only to meet the guy in question (with his $50MM portfolio) and be asked off the bat “Hey man, just give me the straight scoop on this property, no bullshit, I’ll figure out the rest” was never lost on me.

I realize this article probably ruffles some feathers.

A knee-jerk reaction to uncomfortable truths is always to extrapolate the counterpoint to the nth degree and attack from there.

Let’s get out ahead of that.

Oh, so you’re saying I should dress casually and curse and be ridiculous bro?

No.

As with anything, there’s nuance, a middle ground.

The real estate killers’ lack of “fake performative modern decorum” and real social skills were always coupled with legit talent and an eye for deals on the backend.

Which is another reason I think LinkedIn dork talk is so common now- it papers over the user’s perceived cracks in their own armor.

Underneath it all, it could largely be a self-esteem play.

Herd Mentality

Look, I get it.

There’s safety in numbers.

It’s why every other dude at my gym is a Cool Mustache and Mullet Tattoo Cowboy now, and why I thought for a second some foreign country had sent an all-female special ops squad to NYC this winter when I was out and saw a legion of women in the same light wash mom jeans + leather jacket combo walking around.

Attaching to a trend destroys individuality but simultaneously protects the individual in question.

I’d argue that’s the worst tradeoff imaginable.

People remember far less of what you say and do, and far more of how you make them feel.

If you’re speaking or texting like the latest iteration of ChatGPT, where exactly is that going to get you?

Sure, you might make less “mistakes”.

More optimized.

More “brand safe”.

Is that worth your human life force?

To be extra dramatic…your soul?

The irony of all this is that in an age increasingly dominated by AI, algorithms, optimization, consultants, HR departments, and curated personal brands…being a real human being is becoming a competitive advantage again.

The people with actual vitality still stand out instantly, if not more so.

So be the guy who laughs too loud, or the girl that sends the unhinged 3:21 AM voice note (we love this btw).

A person that sounds alive and says what they mean.

Sure, you’ll be misunderstood or feel awkward.

That’s gonna happen.

You might even find yourself on the business end of an HR text.

At least you’re being a real, impactful, tried-and-true human.

That’s a beautiful thing, and it can’t be replicated.

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I’ll be back on Tuesday after I run internal readership metrics and determine my next actionable steps.

Enjoy your Sunday <3

-John Abbate

5/17/2026