Sephora Birthday Gifts and the Barista That Broke My Brain

a chat about duality.

Yesterday I went to Sephora to pick up my choice of the birthday gifts they offer you for being a member.

There were five options, but only one was even remotely applicable to your boy.

I didn’t need a “de-frizzing” agent for my hair, def didn’t need lipstick or the Selena Gomez soft-color set (I don’t even know what that does).

We settled on a nice three pack of Laneige moisturizer, which always helps the cause. Korean skin care is the best.

As I traversed the trademark black and white aisles reviewing the gift menu on my app, a familiar feeling came over me: I don’t belong here.

You can imagine the weird looks I get when I go strolling into a place like Sephora: hat pulled low, black t-shirt, pre-haircut and shave so we still had the grizzly bear look going on, the morning’s cocktail of blue raspberry C4 and 6 milligrams of Smooth-flavored Zyn coursing through my body.

A stranger in a strange land.

Thing is, I’m proud of it- no matter how much heat I get from some friends about such things.

Those comments always entertain me, and it’s the same guys who hit me with the “bro that’s her?!” when they ask about my personal life and I pull up Instagram.

(Nothing says “I’m gay!” like dating beautiful women)

It’s fun to break the mold of how you appear on the outside (well, I would hope my skincare habit shows on the outside..) and indulge in something that is entirely the antithesis of the avatar you embody in everyday life.

These unexpected soft underbellies of personal characteristics make us who we are, and I’ve come to notice that some people I’ve met in my many interactions and journeys in this world have the same type of thing going on.

The Barista Who Shocked Me

Like any responsible Long Islander, I have a favorite Starbucks. I won’t dox it, but’s been a steady of mine for years.

Through my frequent stops in, I’ve become quite friendly with the manager/head barista, we’re gonna call her Susie (not her actual name).

Susie is a grey haired woman about 60 years of age, a kind soul who runs a tight ship but does so lovingly.

She was there to recommend passionfruit refreshers when I was overheated after showing industrial buildings in the peak of summer, and taught me what a Medicine Ball was on a day I walked in feeling like garbage.

Cool as we became, it pains me to admit that I stereotyped her.

In my defense, she works at, well, Starbucks.

There’s also a glaring fashion accessory she only parted ways with once the calendar turned to 2025: an N-95 mask.

I was pretty sure I was dead on with her personal views and leanings, especially one particular day when Susie told me she was distraught that she hit a deer on the road the night before.

She took me outside to check on her car (a Subaru, ofc), and then hit me with: do you think that poor deer is ok?

A valuable life lesson was learned when I ducked into the shop for one of my final refreshers before I trekked to Florida in October of 2024.

Election mania was in full swing, and Susie was lamenting the impacts of inflation and the prevalence of crime on Long Island….and that’s when it happened.

She pulled her mask down, the lines of the unforgiving rubber straps of that awful garment visible on her face, sunlight shining off of the metal “Love One Another” pin affixed to her green apron, looked me in the eyes and said:

“You know John…all this bullshit stops if we’re able to get Trump back in there.”

It’s a good thing I don’t care for Starbs’ microwaved food menu, because had I been eating, I woud’ve choked and unalived right then and there.

I tried to compose myself as a Hannity-tier rant ensued, a conservative heart bleeding out through it’s granola grandma barista outer shell.

There was no containing my smile as I walked out that day. I thought it was one of the coolest conversations I’ve ever had.

Not that I’m extolling being MAGA or getting political or anything like that, rather it was the juxtaposition between appearance and beliefs from the least likely of suspects that I found so enthralling.

It was, in a unique way, rockstar energy.

World of Warcraft Dating Advice and Pretty Girls Playing FIFA

There’s a friend of mine I play video games with, it’s how we met and how we primarily keep in touch.

Some weeks we talk daily, some weeks there’s some event in the World of Warcraft world and I know we’ll get back in touch whenever that ends.

His random absences are made up for by the laughs and conversation we have when he’s around…and the fact that on his day, he’ll carry us hard in trios.

He has all the hallmarks of an elite gamer, from wizardry in operating our Discord server to his WoW marathons that begin on Friday evenings and end around midnight on Sunday.

Talented guy with a broad technological skillset? Absolutely.

Where you’d go for assessment and predictions on your personal life? Hardly- or so you’d think.

The level of understanding he displays in regards to male-female dynamics or workplace politics or business is damn near frightening. I’ve often thought he could market himself with these skills in some sort of way.

The man behind the $5,000 rig and the light up keyboard routinely comes up with Oracle-like predictions:

“That deal sounds like it’s gonna be a mess”

>Deal turns out to be, in fact, a mess.

“Bro your job is gonna fire that person any day, trust me”

>Literally happened the next week.

“Dude, you’re gonna hear from that girl until the end of time”

“No I’m not”

…..I still do.

There’s a litany of examples. You’d think he was 70 years old and traveled to 150 countries with the level of foresight and wisdom he passes through his SteelSeries headset.

It’s beautiful duality- a hidden characteristic he uses as he navigates the first-person RPG of life.

Head to Head Seasons in Charlotte

I made a lot connections driving down the coast to FL in January (something I’d like to explore on this ‘stack in more depth), and one of them was an affluent, pretty 20-something we’re gonna call Lisa (again, not her name).

Lisa was a trip, the type that could chew your ear off about both Mac Miller B-sides and the current state of the NHL’s Metropolitan Division.

Lisa seems to have a pretty standard life for someone of means living in a fun city- golfing, going out to trendy spots, spending time with her girlfriends.

You can imagine I was pretty surprised when I received Snapchats of FIFA this past Saturday night.

Look, female sports fans are awesome, and sports are for everybody. However, we’d be lying to ourselves if we said there isn’t a subset of them where it’s more performative than passion based.

That isn’t Lisa.

Picking up the sticks?

That’s being really about it.

Here’s a girl that could be doing pretty much whatever she wants on a Saturday night, and there she was snapping her pre-match 4-3-3 formation and hitting curlers from outside the box with Kylian Mbappe, ruining the night of some 14 year old across the country in his mom’s basement.

Just like Susie’s MAGA rants or my video game friend’s therapist chair-tier emotional analysis, Lisa’s FIFA habit put the biggest smile on my face.

You just never know.

(Also- a couple points here before we move on. 1- I don’t wanna hear it re: Snapchat. Everyone says “ew you have Snap still?!” yet everyone has it themselves! 2- Lisa and I are going to face off in H2H on FIFA soon..idk how to even come back from that if I lose)

Duality on the Mats

Our hidden personality traits and interests transcend the psychological and mental and can present in the physical realm as well.

There’s a saying when you train martial arts that’s wise advice for everyday life:

Be careful, because you never know what the other person knows.

This was never more evident than when I was in the midst of my heavy training years.

I distinctly remember being 18 and choking out a “local legend” superathlete type guy from a rival high school during a sparring match and feeling on top of the world about it. Literally my very next match, a bald 45 year old graphic designer who was a whopping 150 lbs soaking wet had me in a leglock that had the ligaments in my knee making sounds like it had a part in a drum circle.

A big lesson was learned that day.

You just never, ever know.

Digital Stereotypes and Putting It All Together

In a world where we are typecast more than ever, being on the lookout for the unforeseen traits and interests of those around us can offer connection on a level that a digitized world so often robs us of.

The “Matcha and Pilates Girlie” might have an encyclopedic knowledge of WWII.

Maybe the guy at the gym the other night loudly bragging about his Masteron cycle to all in earshot thinks Pete Buttigieg was fantastic as head of the DOT.

You also might be able to beat him up- but his cousin who’s still a senior in high school can take your limbs off.

Perhaps your barista knows the in’s and out’s of ICE’s deportation program, and your friend you leap off the Battle Bus with can help you find your soulmate.

The duality of man (and woman).

Isn’t it beautiful?

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I didn’t want to end with this song but it literally fits too well- I went with a live version because I find the masks hilarious.

Chat soon, and hope everyone’s having a lovely summer.

-John Abbate

23.07.2025