Ride-Thru Carwash Psychotherapy
a Heatwave coded look at giving up control.
The “real feel” temperature on Long Island at the time of writing is 106 degrees.
That’s not normal, and it’s expected to break records.
Multiple clients told me on the phone today (they’re in NY, I’m in FL) “It’s hotter for us today than it is for you”
Heatwaves are a tricky thing.
They’re unlike other weather phenomena.
Blizzards come with fair warning and lend themselves to quiet, serene scenery once the initial blast is over.
Hurricanes (in all their chaos), are tracked and offer time to take precautions, and usually last a hellish weekend or so before subsiding. They also wax and wane in intensity.
Heatwaves, however, are unrelenting.
Sure, the A/C provides temporary respite, but then you have to deal with the dry air and the headaches that come from such drastic temperature shifts.
(You could also go to my favorite place ever and try the migraine remedy and report back)
The aspect of heatwaves that truly drives us crazy isn’t so much the insane heat, but rather, they offer a sense of a lack of control altogether.
Thick, hot air and record-high temperatures are inescapable. They seep into every aspect of your daily life: work, commute, social life, fitness regimen, you name it.
You feel trapped because you are.
For those of us who hate to surrender that sense of control over our lives and environment, this is a nightmare.
I’m right there with you- but what if I told you guys getting pelted by water and foam soap alleviated some of this stress?
Let’s go into it.
The Tunnel of Horrors
Summer of 2020 I had a date planned, and seeing as empty MRE drinks and beach sand strewn about the car are hardly an aphrodisiac, I headed to the carwash.
As it was still Covid, the only carwashes you really had access to without headache were the ride-thru type.
I had never been to one before, and after going to one for the first time, I planned to keep it that way.
The lack of visibility, letting the car go in neutral wherever it may, the gliding through the dark tunnel not knowing where you’re going….not for me.
What is usually a leisurely activity for most and a Snapchat opportunity for high school seniors in their first cars was genuinely a stressor for your boi.
The giant soft-cloth tentacles whipping against all the windows simultaneously is the worst part.
Yes, this is still the same writer as always.
Same guy that’s written about shadowboxing, barreling through airport aisles, real estate deals ,and streetfights on Thanksgiving Eve.
It still irks me.
That’s how much I dislike losing control.
Phantom Bathroom Breaks & Being Strapped to a Table
It’s always been this way, to be fair.
Part of the reason I think my body rejects the ride-thru carwash is for the fear that my car (aka my four wheeled box of freedom that goes wherever I want it to) will go off the tracks or smash into the car ahead of it.
I protect my driving record with my life, try as Nassau County may to counter that.
High school days John was notorious for “using the bathroom” every class. They must’ve thought I had a bladder issue.
The real issue was sitting in the same seat under industrial lighting for 40 minutes consecutively. I hated it.
Recently, during one of my many back flare ups, I had to be strapped to a “DRX machine”, a traction device in which you’re bound at the legs, feet, and hips to a contracting table.
You can imagine how that one went over.
As I was in the process of being strapped in, I quipped that Gov. Hochul must not have called with a stay of execution.
It was textbook male bravado “I’m gonna use humor and seem all cool to deflect from the fact I’m scared shit”.
22 minutes into my half an hour ride on the DRX, and I had used my own two hands to unbind myself from the spinal Saw trap I was affixed to.
They thought I was nuts, but a guy with freedom in his heart can only take that type of situation for so long.
There’s a legion of examples I can go into.
They serve not as droning personal anecdotes, but an embodiment of a feeling we likely all share as a collective, albeit on a spectrum.
This is doubly so after having so many civil liberties encroached upon so drastically five years ago.
Looking at the bigger picture, it isn’t just scorching weather and recent governmental override that we’re dealing with.
The Weather Isn’t the Only Thing That’s Hot
Everyone knows what’s going on in the news, and it’s a level of pressure to our everyday lives.
War in the Middle East has sadly has almost always been a constant in American life, but it was always something that happened over there.
The fact of the matter is, it’s not a heatwave in 2015.
You’re not posted up on the couch in the A/C watching reruns of The Voice while scrolling Vine.
Rather, we’ve got the Ayatollah of Iran tweeting that he’s coming for us.
Israel doing whatever the hell they feel like.
We’re still weird and isolated and divided at home, searching for our “back to normal”.
It’s like the socioeconomic climate on a macro scale reads the same level as the thermometer on the front porch.
You wanna talk about feeling like you’re losing control….
So what do you do?
Lean Into It!
There’s a phrase oft-heard in baseball dugouts: Wear it!
It’s used when a pitch is coming in hot and right at you.
Take the lump, take the base.
That’s essentially where we’re at.
We’ve got the aforementioned inside four-seamers of extreme weather, insane global political climate, and the perma-weirdness back home.
What can we do, other than surrender to it and make peace with it?
It’s not like any of us have the stature or platform to affect United States government decisions on international conflict.
We can lead by example and be the change we want to see in society on our own turf (and we should!) but that’s still a lengthy effort.
Lastly, it’s not like we can control the weather.
Well…..
We’re not going to go there today.
Conquering the Tunnel and Moving On
This past weekend I squared up with my old 100 foot long adversary.
The plot line remained the same- there would be some companionship, and there’s not much sexy about a car littered with paper mache’d old Zyns and crumpled up Pub Sub receipts.
This is exactly the moment the idea for this article was born.
I pulled up to the tracks, locked in my wheels, and glanced over at the screen to my left instructing me it was time to go into neutral and coast through the tunnel of tentacles, foam, and loud air dryers.
Except this time was different.
As I rolled towards the foamy abyss, I was able to surrender to the moment.
It took me enough time, but I realized in this ridiculous microcosm that there’s really nothing you can do in situations like these.
Not with your carwash phobia, not with insane Middle East world leaders threatening to nuke the major city 20 miles from you, not with airport hostility, not with this weird increasingly digital yet increasingly isolated reality we call home.
Overdoing the Overstimulation
So much of what we’re dealing with is amplified x 10 by the fact we’re inundated with Tik Toks, reels, and general fear porn regarding the going’s on of this world.
It’s not just a heat wave, it’s a record setting, life threatening heat wave that’s gonna kill you and your dog if you’re not careful! Now let’s cut to a truculent argument about global warming from two cable news talking heads.
Be sure to share the clips of said argument to the family chat for added fireworks!
It’s not just Iran acting crazy, it’s WWIII on the cusp of kicking off!
Is there any wonder that we have a collective hair-pin trigger when it comes to anxious spirals?
At a certain point, it’s worth freeing up the mental bandwidth and just letting the chips fall where they may.
It’s a liberating lesson learned by trial and error, one that dawns on us at the most innocuous times.
Tuning out the noise and focusing on being the best we can be in our daily lives and endeavors is truly the only antidote.
Much like the big creepy carwash, you just may come out the other side squeaky clean and ready for an adventure.
Stay cool.
-John Abbate
25.6.2025
Good article and valuable perspective. I dive into anxiety spirals whenever I lose control. Happening more and more systematically as you pointed out. Keep up the good work!