In's and Out's
Good morning friends.
We’re now officially into the full swing of summer, and things are heating up both literally and metaphorically. While we were all enjoying the beach, barbecues, and a few days off, the world around us stayed hard at work becoming more insane by the day. The stock market is down, payments to Ukraine are going up, gas is still out of control, there’s a new mass shooting…it’s like it never ends.
The long weekend and the nice weather couldn’t have been timed any better, as we all needed to just unplug and enjoy for a few days. That being said, I hope everyone had a fulfilling and relaxing Fourth of July weekend.
Now back to real life.
The idea for this article dawned on me as I was particpating in one of my favorite (and any writer’s, tbf) pastimes of people watching while I was out and about Sunday night. (I’m fortunate enough to be alive in an era where I can furiously type away in my Notes app for when those ideas hit and not carry around a notepad and a pen like a weirdo, but I digress).
The main realization I had is that life has permanently changed.
I know I’ve gone on and on about the last two years (and it’s kind of the bedrock this ‘stack was built upon to discuss other things), but it really is true. Naturally, the thought that occurred to me was “What can be done about this?” and more importantly- “How do I write about it?”
Okay, so here go. I’m going to call this the “In’s” and the “Out’s”.
It’s analysis meets strategy meets a quasi-survival guide.
Btw, before I go further I must say that I’ve had In-N-Out and it was, as the Zoomers say, mid. That’s right. Like a 5 out of 10. I think it just gets romanticized because it’s native to the West Coast and Commiefornia California. I wonder how much life is left in that mainstream mig-aughts “Califorinia glamorization” marketing schitck anyway. We’ve all got social media now, and it seems as if the only accurate portrayals of California were in the movies Crash and Training Day.
Alright, I know I’m gonna get some retort about my In-N-Out comment like “but bro what about the Animal Style bro did you even know they had that it’s so good”
Not touching that stuff, my guy. Idk how “Animal Style” that is considering I don’t know of any creatures in the animal kingdom that have non-congenital fatal cardiac episodes.
Off on a tangent again.
Alright, here we go:
OUT: Congregating with the General Public for Non-Essential Items
Uh oh! Have I gone totally hypocritical? Same guy who told you to ditch the mask and get back in the gym/bar/coffee shops/etc ASAP a year ago is now saying this?! Make it make sense!
Ok, I will: Obviously I’m not saying don’t go anywhere and be a shut-in. What I mean here is congregating with the general public if it’s not necessary should really be avoided. Anyone older than 20 or so can tell you about days growing up where there was nothing to do, so you’d go to the mall to peruse and bounce around, or to Target or some other big box store. Sadly, this has to go.
Recently, my girlfriend and I took a trip to the mall so she could get a new pair of sneakers-that’s really something you need to buy in person, because sizes are all over the place. The whole ordeal was a nightmare before we even stepped into the store itself. The parking lot was a total disaster. People reversing aimlessly, almost running into pedestrians, not looking, road rage, screaming at one another. As I touched on in To Live and Die on L.I., the era of the Good Samaritan in the United States is looong gone.
We finally got into the store and my girlfriend found the shoe she wanted and asked not one, not two, but three workers if she could see them in her size. Nobody seemed to listen or care to get the request right. We waited for almost 25 minutes before we finally said forget it and left. Nobody seemed like they could be bothered or had an ounce of work ethic. (If you want to delve deeper into this topic, there’s a great article on Arbitrage Andy’s Arb Letter which describes this epidemic in even greater detail: Nobody Wants to Work Anymore)
Furthermore, there seems to be a ghettoized monoculture that has completely consumed society as we know it. It seems as if every person ages 13 to 300 is quick to start with the cursing, the posturing, and the threatening in any sort of trivial disagreement.
Even 10 years ago disputes over parking spaces would begin courteously enough; now they devolve into an “don’t talk shit to me, I’ll F— you up!” affair right from the jump. Anybody else remember “Fight Comps” from WorldStar back in the day? They used to do huge numbers in the early YouTube era:
Now I don’t even think WorldStar bothers to compile them because people can just go see the show live in living color from their local WalMart parking lot.
I saw two women in at least their 50’s screaming and cursing at one another in a Whole Foods parking lot in a ritzy part of L.I. recently, and if this type of behavior can carry over there, it’s everywhere.
Lastly, there’s a massive risk of legal ramifications. Even if you’re completely in the right in a given scenario and happen to win some sort of verbal and/or physical altercation, you’ll lose in the court of public opinion (and at this rate, actual court itself) if your co-belligerent is higher up the “Oppression Ladder™” than you are. It simply isn’t worth it.
Amazon Prime is like $100 for the year and will have whatever household staples you desire at your front step the next day.
TL;DR: Get to the supermarket and other essentials during daylight hours, park a little further away than usual (get some steps in) and even go run these errands with a good friend if it makes you more comfortable. There’s no need to be waltzing through Target at 10PM amongst the lunatics, road ragers, and the Mask Zombies who start doing an abominable version of the NFL Combine 40-yard dash away from you everytime you start getting near them.
As for the social aspect of things, it’s a little easier because people are all congregating with a like-minded intention of having a good time, but stick to the nicer spots and perhaps call it a night a little earlier than usual.
IN: Nature
Okay this one seems a bit obvious and sort of pandering to the crowd, but think about it, when was the last time you went and enjoyed the great outdoors? I’m not talking OD activities like rucking 10 miles or hiking up Mt. Whatever, just simply going to a park or the beach with a good book or a couple friends and enjoying the scenery.
As a Long Islander I’m clearly biased, as we’re blessed with beautiful beaches and parks all over, but almost every corner of this country has at least one place to go and enjoy the fresh air. The benefits are many: it’s both stimulating and relaxing for the mind, healthy and active for the body, and cost-effective for the wallet in these Jimmy Carter 2.0 economic times. Maybe bring a blanket and a healthy meal and read your favorite Substack ;) That’s good shared energy right there! (Yes, I believe in all that woo-woo craziness. A topic for another day).
Alright.
Moving on.
Let’s take a look at people.
OUT: The Sportsballer
Look, I love sports. Most people I care about love sports, too. Sports are fun to play, and watching them with friends and family is a great way to spend time together.
However, there is a line.
I’ve noticed for years now (and really saw it emphasized this weekend) that sports have become a type of societal benzo for the majority of guys 18-35. Having a favorite team is awesome. Having sports you care about is awesome- I have Wimbledon highlights running in the background as I write this. The Islanders 2021 playoff run was an amazing memory for my friends and me (and for the record, they would’ve beaten the Montreal Canadiens in the Final).
It’s a different ballgame (brutal pun, not intended, just gonna keep writing..) when you haven’t been to the gym in 2 years or out with a woman in ages but you can name every dude in the four major sports leagues and their contract amounts.
It’s completely upside down.
Unless you or your father own the team in question, what’s the BFD with the draft? Don’t even get me started on guys who physically go to it!
Far too many young guys can only chime into casual conversation if it’s about sports. It’s become this one-dimesional personality trait that pervades our current culture en masse, and since it’s championed as “manly” by Big Media and pop culture, it’s accepted as normal and not going away anytime soon.
There’s also fantasy sports, which can be cool casually with your coworkers or friends. It boggles my mind however when I talk to guys who are in 4 different leagues, dedicating 20 hours+ per week to it. Here’s a real kicker that people really hate when I bring up: How is fantasy sports any different from playing Dungeons and Dragons or some other lore game that the average 30% bodyfat Sportsballer would call “nerdy”? I don’t believe there’s a difference at all..
Hyper-consumption of sports content is easier than ever with Instagram and Twitter and 24/7 ESPN coverage. It’s no different than giving a quick fix to an addict. The idea is to tune into the team you care about, make time for it, and get on with life.
We’re facing unprecedented times, and we need to be ready physically and mentally to handle it. Drifting away into the endless realm of sports content won’t do the mind or body any good. Plus, almost every major sports league is injected with Current Thing politics, and with apologies to Sweet Brown, ain’t nobody got time for that.
Having a few drinks with friends and watching the Yankees once in a while (or better yet, going to the game)? That’s awesome.
Spending 4 hours arguing with anonymous strangers online about the contract amount that random wide reciever guy on an out-of-market team got while simultanesouly trying to ratio Skip Bayless in his Twitter replies? Considerably less awesome.
In closing this out, sports make for a great hobby and past time. But if you find yourself totally absorbed by them or even worse, overly emotionally connected to them, realize that it’s likely time to change course. To quote A Bronx Tale: “Mickey Mantle don’t care about you. Why should you care about him?”
Oh, and a little PS- if you hate the injection of politics into modern sports but like pure competition and a love of the game, there’s a certain sport just for you:
So if your friend who says “we won” when talking about the team of top 1% physical specimens he roots for is out, who’s taking his place?
Here we go:
IN: Your “fringe” friend.
You know that guy you and your crew are close with, who you don’t hear from so often? Perhaps he’s a bit of a loner or just not the most social? Yeah. He’s about to be really important, so shoot him a text to check in if you can. (I know how it goes with these types- the text delivers green, and he’ll answer in 20 business days with “sorry bro, just saw this”, but still.)
These “fringe” friends always happen to be rather smart and incredibly self-sufficient, which loops in well with what’s ahead.
Let’s just take a look at what we’re staring in the face in these coming months:
-Increasing record inflation
-A potential massive food shortage
- An energy shortage
-Continued civil unrest
-The now ever-present threat of random lockdowns and other instanaces of governmental overstepping
Who are you going to call when SHTF? Let’s say we have another massive rolling blackout like we did in 2003.
Who is going to help you set up a generator or have extra supplies on hand or have crazy things like a pocket solar-powered radio on hand?
Well, it’s not going to be your boy in the Cheeto-stained Carmelo Anthony jersey (he’s out anyway!). However, your fringe buddy will be right there to save the day because he’s been Doomsday prepping since 2013 waiting for this moment and his time to shine.
You think your Big 4 accountant friend who considers he and his girlfriend “dog parents” knows how to siphon gasoline or start a controlled fire from scratch? Hell no-but fringe friend can!
So, do yourself a favor and reach out to that “crazy” friend or neighbor. Sure, he might have an odd physical appearance or bother your uptight Current Thing Instagram infographic-posting lefty girlfriend with his poorly timed political hot takes, but he just might save your butt when things get really bad.
Okay, let’s wrap this up.
The final one:
OUT: Oversharing
As social media becomes more and more ubiquitous, so does the rampant spread of “oversharing”. Look, as I said above, it’s no secret where we are and where we’re headed as a society and country. The lunatics and crazies are out and about en masse, and seemingly (at least in Blue states like New York) have more rights than upstanding citizens themselves. The police are largely hamstrung by leftist policies fueled by hysterical outrage.
I hate to say it, but we’ve never been less safe than we are now.
Thus, I am absolutely blown away when I take my once-a-month journey onto Facebook and see people posting everything about their lives. It’s not uncommon to see a bunch of the following:
“Just bought our first house together!”
Okay, that’s actually very cool, especially in this market and economy. Genuine congratulations. But why why why are you posting the address itself and a million photos on the internet?!
“So happy to start my job as a nurse at XYZ Hood hospital doing overnights!”
Again, nice accomplishment, but way to broadcast on public accounts that you’re going to be traversing less than ideal neighborhoods at odd hours by yourself.
And, lastly, the one that is truly insane:
“So proud of this guy for finishing second grade (proceeds to post a full-body photo of the kid along with where he goes to school)”
This is nuts. I am not posting public photos of my children when they’re underage, ever! (Or if I have a daughter, just ever. You’ll have a better chance of finding a depiction of a certain prophet from a certain world religion)
I know I’m being sort of funny with it here, but let’s look at the cold hard facts for a moment- sadly the maniacs are out there and out in force. Why not err on the side of caution? I see people from middle school I haven’t spoken to since around the time of Bush’s invasion of Iraq posting so much that I know their jobs, home address, children’s and pets names and of course, their political leanings.
Finishing it off, not to get all weird with the energy stuff and the programming of the human brain, but take a close look around you. Unhinged people are more plentiful than ever. Just take a peep at the “My choice!” monster that went viral on social media this week:
Look I don’t want to get into her views, she’s entitled to feel however she wants. Rather, look at the possession in her eyes and her wild behavior. Do you think this is someone that would react kindly to photos of your white picket fence and beautiful children? I didn’t either.
There’s grace and peace of mind in privacy.
IN: Moving in Silence
Any millenial knows the infamous Lil Wayne line: “Real G’s move in silence like lasagna”. Well, he was right.
Piggybacking on my point above, with the state of our society and the economy, now is not the time to be flexing status or big moves. I love seeing friends and family do well (I’ll happily listen to any of you brag about any accomplishment for hours on end), but be careful about boasting online. The situation for the masses just gets more bleak by the day, and they have no clue what’s in store as we continue to spiral downwards.
Just got that dope new BMW? Incredible (and let’s go for a cruise soon) but resist the temptation to post the hand-on-the-steering wheel pic or at least “Close Friends” it on IG.
Massive job promotion? Go out to dinner with those who love you and celebrate! Just play it cool in the public eye.
We’re trending ever quicker towards have and have-nots in this world, and the last thing you want after working so hard is to paint some sort of target on your back. Also, I’m not talking extreme worst case scenario (like getting robbed or something, though sadly it could happen), I’m talking about resentment from peers or family and general BS and headaches.
To use another classic line, this time from Big: “That cheddar breed jealousy…”
Be cool (and keep crushing it 🤑)
Alright friends, that does it for this round.
Hopefully this read made your morning coffee taste a little better.
Talk soon.
<3
-John
5 July 2022
this was a fun read!! lots of good points made 👍🏼👍🏼