Guy Who Hasn't Raised His Voice In a Decade Talks About Anger

you don't have to crash out.

I’m admittedly pretty ticked off as I’m writing this.

“Full grown man airs his grievances on the internet” is hardly groundbreaking content.

So we’re not gonna do that.

Also- nothing is catastrophically wrong (blessed to say that).

Just an amalgamation of general frustration in various endeavors.

I’ll live.

Anyway, this does offer a fun opportunity to talk about anger in a blunt way!

Let’s do that instead.

“I don’t yell” ≠ Virtue Signal

Anger tends to either manifest itself inwards or outwards.

I’m in the former camp.

Sure, there’s an admirable quality in not having a generational temper, ranting and raving and destroying whatever is in your path.

That type of stuff tends to alienate people pretty quickly.

Re: the “not yelling” thing- sure, that looks pretty in a sentence.

What a good guy.

I mean, fair enough.

I’ve seen a lot of yelling.

“Raised voices fall on deaf ears” is a deeply-held belief.

However, the fact of the matter is that it’s just not in my wiring.

Rather, I’m what I call…

The Internal Crashout

Which is both exactly what it sounds like and not at all any healthier than somebody who projects their fury externally.

I’m sure plenty of people are in the same boat.

Sure, our kind is spared the embarrassing emotional labor of the “post-tantrum Apology Tour”.

People tend to feel a bit more comfortable around us.

That being said, where’s the nobility in tearing yourself up on the inside?

(I’ll spare everyone the esoteric health angle, but do feel free to go down the “bottled emotion —> severe illness” rabbit hole at any time you please.)

This not talking passive aggressive behavior here, btw.

That’s a gross trait and a different conversation.

My conflicts tend to be handled pretty straightforward, usually employing direct questions to work towards a resolution or get an answer.

(Wannabe-CEOmaxxing, maybe….but hey I’m trying???)

Also, while risking sounding like the absolute worst, I’ve got the luxury of not being the type you invite to “talk about this outside”.

Anyway.

For those of us wired like this, I’m sure we can agree that:

Calm (even assertive) resolution ≠ internal peace.

You still end up stewing on something, replaying scenarios, absolutely annihilating yourself.

How is that really any different from the outward explosions crew, in practice?

Somebody makes you angry, you can deal with it, separate yourself physically, all that good stuff.

What is the Internal Crashout supposed to do?

Take peyote and have an out-of-body experience?

(That’s a one-way ticket to permanent psychosis)

Luckily, there’s a couple of things I’ve been doing lately that I’ve noticed have helped.

It’s not “drink water, breathe, be grateful” advice you seen a thousand times.

It sure as hell isn’t a cure-all (I mean I’m still dealing with this right now, no?)

But it does help.

Call Off the Dogs and Call Your Dogs

We have a beautiful human tendency to find like minds in this life.

Whatever your pursuit is, there’s people out there who simply “get it”.

Everything from “mommy groups” on FB to surfers to MS-13 to groups of European kids doing parkour over 20-story gaps on IG Reels…water finds its own level.

So, I reached out to a friend of mine who simply seems to be on the same wavelength.

The gloriously true and unhinged response was exactly what I needed:

You might think this is totally bizarre.

I mean, it sort of is.

But it’s the language I speak, it’s how my monkey brain communicates.

Let’s be real- I guarantee that your friends know your lingo and communication style to a T.

That’s what makes this so useful.

How often do we lament the fact that “no one checks up on us” when it’s really we couldn’t put our ego aside for 10 business seconds to be vulnerable enough to reach out?

So call your dogs, or your girls, or hangout with your dog, or whatever it may be.

The catharsis of release and familiarity do a whole lot of good in turning the temperature down.

Now for the harder part:

Calling off the dogs

Ahhh this one sucks.

Doesn’t change the fact that anger can give us tunnel vision and can screw up our output.

Ask anyone who has played any sport, ever.

Trying to hit a 3-run homerun with no one on base is never going to happen.

How many gamblers or traders have met ruin because they got emotional and “want to make it all back on the next trade”?

Exactly.

Easy to say, harder to do.

Empty Sunday Blues

I pour a whole lot into my Sunday Essays.

They mean a lot to me.

I have longing dreams where there’s 200 or 300 of them and they’re actually worth something one day.

Sometimes I scour them like a newlywed wife does Zillow, doing calculations in my head, what to tinker, what to do next, all that stuff.

Missing a Sunday at this point is catastrophic.

But what was I going to do this weekend if I’m all mad?

Post abject bullshit and then further spiral that I wrote a clunker?

Let 2010’s COD Lobby John leak into the writing and sink the ship?

It sucks, but sometimes you gotta cancel the full court press.

Schedules are largely malleable.

That call, article, post, meeting…trust me, it can wait.

Forcing it with a subpar effort is just throwing gas on the fire, and there’s no telling how that ends.

Now you’re really crashing out.

I don’t want that for you!!

Publicly Making Lemonade Out of Lemons

This was actually kind of fun.

Emotions…they’re tricky.

Am I still angry?

Honestly, yeah…but less so.

These frameworks do help.

Are they the groundbreaking keys to the Universe and total enlightenment?

Obviously not.

Were they enough to keep the Internal Crashout from getting the keys to the car for the rest of the day?

Absolutely.

And for now, that’s really all I could ask for.

See you next Sunday.

(Hopefully 🤪)

-John Abbate

6.7.2026

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P.S.- drawing a parallel between ‘Massapequa Moms’ and MS-13…maybe I was in my bag today..